


please, help me.

by woobff



Series: someone help me [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Breakdown, i love wooyoung send tweet, it's a close call i guess, wooyoung is going through an episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 03:09:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21292649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woobff/pseuds/woobff
Summary: " you're so troublesome. "" useless. "" you're better off gone. "and when he keeps on hearing the repeated sentence in his head for far too long, he knows he's hit the bottom of the pit.or, wooyoung goes through an episode which ends up hurting him and the members way more than intended.
Relationships: Jung Wooyoung/Everyone
Series: someone help me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1536179
Comments: 2
Kudos: 128





	please, help me.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so uh i wrote this to get emotions and feelings off my chest so i portrayed it into wooyoung within four hours so i'm not sure if the work is gonna be okay but hey self-care, right?
> 
> there are triggering issues in the story though i'm not sure if it's brief or heavily implied, it wasn't beta read. so read at your own risk and stay careful.
> 
> if you ever need a listening ear, you can dm me on twitter! i love you guys, take care!

okay so maybe the words that were on the tip of his tongue had been stuck for a couple of days, not courageous enough to say it. 

that's how he finds himself, stuck in his room, not being able to pull himself out from the self-made cocoon of blankets he wrapped himself into. 

wooyoung was a simple man with a mind that focused on priorities in order to get through life and his job. he wakes up, he showers, he eats breakfast with the members and then goes for 10-hour practice then goes back home to rest. 

the cycle continues every day during comeback preparations. 

so when he felt himself _spiraling_ down, and _deeper_ into the pits of hollowness and darkness he promised he would never indulge again, he _freaks out. _

the clock already shows ten minutes past eight, which means seonghwa is gonna barge into the room soon to wake them up. 

and wooyoung is busy crying and wiping off every droplet of tears that made its cameo down his rosy cheeks. 

'_ i'm so_ _fucked_, ' he thought, chuckling out bitterly as he felt another pang of pain in his chest. 

as he hears footsteps approaching the room, he hurriedly wiped his cheeks with the sleeves of his hoodie, not minding the slight burn from the fabric on his face.

" wooyoung goo- _hey_, you okay? " was the eldest first words upon opening the door. 

and wooyoung thought, _was he okay? _

was he okay _enough_ to lie and keep going through another day of exhausting activities? 

he knew he wasn't, but the members really didn't deserve to be a burden. 

" yeah, yeah i'm okay, " and with that, the lies pass through his lips, which formed a smile he passes to the oldest. 

the next time he found himself stuck, being surrounded by the overwhelming negative energy was during the two-hour mark of practice. 

it was one in the afternoon, every eight of them flushed and sweating, limbs already starting to ache due to the intensity of practice. 

which then causes wooyoung to accidentally bump into yunho during the ending, all the while knocking his own head with his. 

he heard the distinct sound of someone pausing the stereo before he and the older was brought to a sitting position against the wall mirrors. 

" wooyoung, please be careful. we _can't afford_ mistakes anymore, " hongjoong tsk' ed, his hand pressing the ice pack against the boy's forehead, mingi doing the same to yunho. 

and the boy couldn't help but feel hurt at the sound of _disappointment_ evident in the leader's tone. 

" i-i'm sorry _hyung_, " he whispers out, already feeling his eyes watering. 

_no no he can't cry._

_ **he can't cry. ** _

" let's all just take ten minutes to break okay? " seonghwa says, noticing how the younger was shaking against the mirror.

the mention of break alone brought hollers of relief as the others scattered to go drink up. 

but wooyoung was too busy fighting his inner demons to realize that his facade was slowly crumbling and that he lets in one of his members to see the vulnerable side of him. 

the group of eight was currently sprawled out against the floors of the dance room, each heaving out-breaths after the intense run through. 

san had his sleeves rolled up to his elbow, as he wipes off the sweat trickling down his forehead with the back of his hand before sitting up. 

scanning around the room, he found himself frowning as he sees wooyoung curled up at the far end of the room.

he has the fringe of his hair covering his eyes but just from the look of the boy's shaking hands that were wrapped around his knees, it didn't make him any longer to trudge forward. 

" woo-_ie_? hey, what's wrong? " san asked, sitting down and taking the other boy's hand into his. 

he could feel the jump of shock before the warm hold in his hand disappear. 

" i-it's nothing san-_ie_, don't worry, " wooyoung replied, using his right hand to move away from his bangs from his eyes. 

and san _swears_ he could feel his heart crack at how the younger's eyes were red. how his cheeks had dried tear tracks. how his lips were chapped due to biting. 

_what the hell happened. _

" don't lie to me wooyoung, " san whispers, his hand coming up to cup the boy's cheeks. 

and when the boy's facade crumbled down, the fresh set of tears that starts to roll down his cheeks, san just pulls the boy forward into him, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. 

" _please_ don't lie to me, " 

ever since that breakdown that happened in the dance room, everyone was walking on eggshells. 

because san_ had told_ the members of the incident when wooyoung went to buy snacks with the manager. 

and when the boy came back to the room with bags in his hand but ears catching on the whispers of conversations, he _knew_ he was done for. 

that's how it came to how wooyoung was sitting alone in his room, a bowl of mash potato in his lap as his laptop play a movie. 

it has been a week or two ever since that revelation and he knows,_ that_ _the members know._

that the members know that he's avoiding conversations that have to do with him. 

_" hey, you okay? " _

_" do you want to take a break? " _

he hates how everyone was treating him like he's some sort of_ fragile object_.

because that alone_ triggers_ the demons in his head. 

_' you're so troublesome. '_

_' fucking useless. '_

_' you're better off gone. ' _

and when he keeps on hearing the repeated sentence in his head for far too long, he knows he's _hit the bottom of the pit. _

days later, wooyoung found himself at the dorm's building roof, arms hugging himself from the chilly breeze. 

he doesn't know how long he has been standing there, crying and crying_ to the point_ that he felt like his eyes will physically hurt from crying more. 

catching a glace to his phone, he saw it displaying ' 5:30 am ' and he sighs to himself. 

it's been _two_ hours. 

the sudden blow of breeze brought him back to reality and suddenly he realizes how far he was leaning forward against the safety rail. 

and how there were two pairs of arms around his chest and waist that pulled him back from the dangerous position he had put himself in. 

" what the hell wooyoung, " _jongho_. 

" what the _fuck_ were you thinking?! " _yeosang_.

he knows they were worried. but the demons said otherwise. 

_they were disappointed. _

_they're mad at you, wooyoung. _

" are you trying to kill yourself? " 

_no, i just wanted the demons to stop. _

" why can't you find other things besides doing that, " 

_i tried joong, i don't know what else i could do. _

" you must've been selfish to kill yourself. " 

_i wasn't selfish i just- _

_maybe he's right. _

" you're right, " wooyoung rasped out, making the oldest of the three looked at him in surprise. 

" woo you know what i meant- "

" i'm _selfish_ for wanting to kill myself, " he continues, eyes closing shut, allowing the droplets of tears to roll out. 

he could no longer pretend that he was okay. 

he could no longer pretend that he can continue going through day after day with the demons gnawing the back of his head. 

he could _no longer pretend_ that he's happy and laughing joyfully. 

" i'm sorry guys, " and with that, he left the two, more tears making its way down his cheeks as he sniffles all the way to the dorm room. 

it was finally break time which means the group has found themselves blessed with a whole week of rest. 

the first three days were spent by just sleeping, lazing around and eating to their heart's content while watching re-runs of Korean dramas. 

hongjoong and seonghwa took their spot on the floor, resting against each other with a bowl of popcorn in between.

san, mingi and jongho were sitting on the long couch, legs entangled with each other. 

yunho and yeosang opted to lay sprawled on the dorm's carpet, as they laugh at the scene happening infront of them 

and for _wooyoung_, he was in the kitchen, sitting on the stool as his eyes looked over the happy faces of his members. 

the food infront of him has long gone cold as the boy chooses to put it as a form of the display instead of indulging it. 

he couldn't help but get _teary-eyed_ when he hears the adorable laughing coming from the youngest soon followed by the rest. 

standing up and putting his bowl of food into the fridge, he then slowly walked towards his room, trying his best to capture the contented faces of his members, his family. 

and as he's finally in the_ safe space_ of his room, he took the cup of random pills from the bedside table and began swallowing then dry. 

twelve pills in, his vision started to blur and soon after his head met the edge of the table before the ground. 

_i am selfish for wanting to kill myself_, he thought for the last time. 

" i'm worried for wooyoung, " mingi says after he hears the door to the boy's room shut close. 

everyone could agree to this. ever since the breakdown in the dance room to the incident at the roof, _no one_ could bear to look at the boy who was playing pretend by smiling. 

" i miss woo _hyung_, " jongho whispers, the close call of the older dying repeatedly playing in his head. 

" i miss him too jo- " _**thud!**_

" what was that? " hongjoong asked, already up on his two feet in full alert. 

the rest of the members followed by, eyes holding worry and heart heavy. 

" that _couldn't be_ right ?" san said, eyes already watering. 

" woo? wooyoung? " the oldest of them all said, all the while stepping towards the room and not even a second later, he pushed the door opened, and before they all knew it, he was already in tears as he rushed into the room. 

everyone scrambled to the room, hearts heavy and oh, how they wished they wouldn't have to see what was in front. 

" someone calls 911 _please_! go call! " hongjoong ordered out, as he hurriedly brought wooyoung's head to his lap, pushing away the scattered pills on the ground.

yunho being the nearest to the door went to make a call, accompanied by jongho who was sobbing. 

seonghwa snatched a packet of wet wipes before wiping the line of blood on the boy's forehead, muttering sorry every second even though he knew he wouldn't get a response. 

san pushed away from the oldest in favor of plunging his fingers into his best friend's throat, just wanting the boy to vomit out whatever pills he had taken. he ignores the tears blurring out his vision, screaming out to the boy unconscious, just praying that he'll vomit out the pills. 

" c'mon wooyoung! _fuck_, vomit it out! you have to vomit it out! " san sobbed, pushing his fingers harder against his gag reflex, and before he knew it, the older had managed to cough out some bile. 

" the ambulance is on the way, " jongho said, as he enters the room, yunho in toll. 

" keep him conscious, " mingi cries out when he sees the younger's eyes falling shut once again. 

" hey wooyoung? hey _buddy_, listen to me, " hongjoong pleaded, palms gently slapping the boy's cheeks earning a whimper. 

" you need to stay awake okay? _you_-you need to try to stay awake, please, " he whispers, thumb wiping away the stray droplet of tear that had rolled out. 

the only response he got was a grunt before the boy was sobbing into the older's hand, while his own was clutching his stomach in pain. 

" it h-_hurts_ hyung, " wooyoung rasped out, wincing at the piercing sensation in his gut. 

and before he could continue, the door to his room was pushed wide so that the paramedics barged into the room, carrying him onto the stretcher and rushing out the dorm to the ambulance. 

" we need someone to follow, " one of the staff ask and hongjoong immediately raised his hand and was out the door in an instant.

the rest of the members was still seated on the floor of the room, even after the sounds of siren faded and all was left was the sound of sobs and sniffles. 

" i can't believe we almost lost him, " san whispers out, eyes focusing on the wet patch of bile on his pants. 

" i-_i_ can't believe we _almost lost him_, " he repeats, voice cracking as he was brought into yunho's embrace, the older gently comforting the younger.

" you did great san, you saved him. you saved him, remember that, " yunho reminded, as he shuts his eyes trying to _remove_ the memory of wooyoung lying unconscious on the floor, mouth with white bubbles and a bleeding forehead. 

everyone was still in shock and devastation, eyes still letting out tears that won't stop. 

" l-let's clean up his place _alright_? we wouldn't want wooyoung to _come back_ to a dirty place right? " seonghwa says, putting up a smile to try comfort his members. 

standing up first, he went and gather the scattered pills before throwing them into the dustbin then, grabbing the wipes to help wipe off the bile from san's pants. 

" _hyung's_ right. we want woo hyung to come back to a fresh room s-so let's get cleaning i guess, " jongho tries to say out confidently, but the lone sound of the crack in his voice made him cry more. 

" woo hyung is gonna come home, i'm _sure_. he's gonna come home and you can beat him in arm wrestling okay? " yeosang whispers out, flashing a smile to the youngest even though the tear tracks on his cheeks say otherwise. 

mingi went and help yunho to get san out from the dirty clothes before pulling him to the bathroom for a warm shower. 

and if they heard yunho trying to comfort the two younger with constant repetitions of " _he's coming back, i promise_, " they held that sentence close to heart because, 

_they too want wooyoung to come back. _

two hours later, the boys were huddled together in the living room, blanket and pillows scattered around. jongho and san were holding each other close, breath even as they fall into slumber. 

yunho and mingi were at the far end, still seated as they both hold onto warm cups of tea that seonghwa had made. 

the oldest was nearby, fingers busily tapping against his phone screen, replying to hongjoong's messages. 

" i shouldn't have said that right, " yeosang blurts out, his eyes void of everything besides guilt. 

" yeosang honey, "

" i shouldn't have _implied_ that he was selfish for killing himself, " he continues, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. 

seonghwa just bit his lip before putting away his phone to bring the younger to his side, hands firmly holding on to his. 

" let's just sleep alright? " 

" okay, " 

the next day came with the single flutter of their eyelids. 

when mingi woke up, he was face to face with the leader who was shaking his shoulder. 

" i'm up _hyung_, " he opts to say before sitting up and shaking yunho who was next to him. 

minutes later and everyone seated up and awake, hongjoong decided to break the news. 

" _wooyoung's okay_. he's awake and under intensive care, " he says out, feeling as if the weight was lifted off his shoulder. 

as they all hurriedly change into proper outfits, they were all rushed into the manager's car and off they go to the hospital. 

" i need you guys to pay close attention to wooyoung okay? " the manager says as they reached a stoplight. 

" treat him as normal as you can be because that's what he needs. don't treat him with too much care like he's a fragile object, _it'll suffocate him,_ " he adds on, flashing a fatherly smile to the group of seven. 

when they arrived at the hospital and obtaining visitors pass, they gently opened the door to wooyoung's room. 

" woo _hyung_, " jongho cries out before stepping forward to the boy who's already sat up with arms opened. 

" you-_you're_ okay, " he sniffles into the crook of his neck, arms wrap tight around the older's waist. 

" i'm sorry joong, i'm _so sorry_, " wooyoung apologized, wrapping his arms tighter around the maknae's waist, relishing in the feeling of warmth and comfort. 

and not soon after, the rest of the members slowly came forward to hug the two youngest, with tears in the eyes but the warmth in their heart. 

" do you wanna talk about it? " seonghwa asked once they've all calmed down. 

" yeah, i can, " wooyoung replies, flashing a tiny smile as he plays with the iv on the back of his hand. 

the oldest took that as a sign to pull out the bag of takeouts he managed to sneak in while the rest were busy hugging and crying. 

" _yah_! you can't bring in takeout food! " hongjoong tsk' ed, slapping the older's arm earning giggles from the others. 

ignoring the leader in favor of distributing the boxes to everyone, seonghwa gave a comforting pat to wooyoung's shoulder to urge him to continue. 

" i've been having really bad episodes and i think this is the cherry on top, " he says, smiling when jongho interlaces their hands together. 

" i'm sorry for making you guys worry but i don't have the heart to _burden_ you all with this, " he continues, wiping away the tears on jongho's cheeks. 

" was that why you were at the roof? " yeosang asked, eyes glimmering with unshed tears. 

and when that earns a nod from the second youngest, no one could stop yeosang from surging forward to hug his best friend. 

" i'm so sorry, i'm _so sorry_ wooyoung, " he cries out, 

" you didn't know and i know you didn't mean it so it's okay yeo-_ie_, " the boy in hold comforted. 

two days later, wooyoung was finally discharged from the hospital with a bag of supplements and vitamins to replenish his nutrition. 

ateez was given one more week of break for team bonding and also for wooyoung's recovery. 

" woo-_ie_, i hope you don't mind but we sort of changed our house rules, " yunho says after putting aside the bag of laundry. 

the younger nodded before following him to the kitchen where the house rules were scribbled on the whiteboard by the fridge. 

" no going out after ten, even if there's a need, get someone to accompany, " _the roof._

" family movie and dinner every night, " _the isolation. _

" random checks in bedrooms, " _the attempt. _

he didn't realize he had remained silent after the last sentence until the gentle kiss to his head. 

" we promise to not overdo it _woo_, we just love and care for you, " san says, smiling a little when the other nodded in understanding. 

" i love you guys too, " 

( _" aa! jongho put me down! " wooyoung scream as the youngest carried him over his shoulder, running out of the dance room, yunho and yeosang in toll. _

_" can't let them catch you. let's run! " jongho exclaims in mock determination as he tightens his hold around wooyoung's legs and speeds off down the hallway, the laughter from the boy echoing._

_as the rest waited in the dance room for the four to come back with snacks, all of them had smiles on their face, realizing that their wooyoung is slowly coming back. _

_" he's gonna be okay right? mingi asked, playing the keychain the second youngest had gifted him. _

_" of course, min. we'll always be there for him, " hongjoong replies, ruffling the boy's hair. _

_wooyoung is gonna be okay._) 


End file.
